#the other voices dont get that. they should.
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postm0rt3m · 3 days ago
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“GHOST!”
You’ve yelled.. and yelled.. and yelled. It’s been hours, judging by the setting sun that was once set high in the sky, shining down tauntingly over the many bodies you’ve dropped and the blood pooled everywhere.
You don’t know what happened. Everything was going fine; perfect, even. A regular clear out. You and Lieutenant Riley were dropping zombies left and right, as if it were any normal Tuesday brunch session.
The number one rule on duo missions? You should always be able to see your partner. At all times.
But somehow.. Ghost is just.. gone. Vanished, into thin air. It’s normal for him to disappear, but not like this. He knows the rule, and he’s not idiotic enough to break it, so you know something’s wrong.
And, of course, your mind jumps to the only plausible conclusion. Somehow, someway, one of the zombies got him. It doesn’t make sense, because let’s be real here, it’s Ghost. The man could very well vanish into thin air if he wanted to.
But at the same time, the unnerving silence in the air is leading you astray. Not even your radio is making the normal staticky noise, considering it died out about an hour ago.
“Riley.. please.”
Your voice has been withered down to a hoarse whisper, your throat raw from the sheer power behind your screams and wails.
You’ve finally found your way to the evac helicopter, met by Soap and Price who are quickly trying to usher you on and out of there before another wave breaks loose.
For some reason, maybe your survival instinct, your brain was telling you to turn around. So, before you even started walking towards the chopper, you turned. And there he was.
Standing out in the distance of the green fog was the familiar bulky figure you’ve come to know as your lieutenant.
You feel that instant wave of relief, now knowing he’s okay. You’re already preparing the words for the absolute scolding he’s getting later.
“LT! Let’s go, this place s’givin’ me tha creeps!”
Soap yells out, beckoning for the man to come on with a wave of his hand. But, he stays still.
Then, the dread starts to fill in. Why is he staring like that? Why is he standing like that?
He takes one step. Then another. Then another. Each one is shakier than the last, his form hunched over as he practically trips over his feet.
Normally, in any other circumstance, you’d think he’s injured.
But you know that walk.
And when he starts to full on sprint towards you, not Price, not Soap, YOU, his arm outstretched and his completely white, glossy eyes locked on yours,
you know, thats not your lieutenant anymore.
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c.ai link
hello! i tried to post this earlier and it didnt work so if u see this twice then no you dont
i actually hate this but i saw a tiktok and was like hmm.. what if..
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15hammerheadsharks · 23 days ago
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was watching the lucanis romance scene again and the male american accent voice does a little extra moan when lucanis kisses rook the second time thats insane!!!!!
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bacchuschucklefuck · 7 months ago
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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
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you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
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rottengurlz · 7 months ago
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toxic yuri vampires you will always be famous to me
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bmpmp3 · 8 months ago
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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randomwriteronline · 5 months ago
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woe/rejoice. agori (and by extension glatorian) hcs be upon you
Agori exhibit subtle sexual dimorphism differently depending on which tribe they belong to (i.e. lebori males have brighter plumage, fezeri females are larger), while their bone structures are essentially identical. Gaquri are the only tribe able to naturally alter their bodies' production of their estrogen and testosterone equivalents. Actively transitioning and/or intersex individuals of any tribe can present dimorphic traits of one sex, traits of both sexes, muddled traits, or none at all
Their breasts are placed in the pelvic area, like horses, and the nips are the only visible part. To prevent chafing, lower garments have soft reinforcements at hip-height
They have short, nubby tails which have survived across their evolution despite having lost their original size and purpose. their movement is very limited and usually unconscious; since they remain the same length during all stages of life, they appear to "shrink" the more a person grows. children use them to better balance themselves when learning to walk
With the exception of Basari's and Fezeri's, Agori ears are very flexible despite their small size and can lean in almost all directions. Their shape varies across tribes
Their senses aside from touch are generally keener than humans'
Agori clothing tends to prefer function to form and does not have significant differences between masculine and feminine styles, although it wasn't always the case before the Shattering
Together with hugs, kisses and handshakes, each tribe has a unique display of affection or greeting pertaining to the head and/or face: Lebori preen each other, Gaquri rub cheeks together, Koniri gently nip ears, Fezeri butt the top of their heads, Basari scratch each other's nape, Potori shove temples against one another and Tapyri press the other's hand to their forehead. The gesture's intensity is usually toned down when done to someone of a different tribe to avoid discomfort or pain
If an object is in an enclosed space like a house, a vehicle or a box, Agori will point to it with their chins instead of their fingers
Vorox and Zesk still communicate in an extremely simplified version of a strict Basari dialect, although the phonetics had to be heavily changed to adapt to the shape of their mutated mouths. Malum has learned it and is currently the only fully sapient being somewhat fluent in Bara Magna Basari
Other tribes tend not to know Tapyri have hair
Koniri fur keeps warm, but becomes stiff in great quantities; Lebori down feathers are very soft, but struggle to retain heat on their own; Potori wool offers great insulation in most climates, but risks growing mold easily when humidity increases
After they (almost) went extinct, the sturdy carapaces of dead Bara Magna Fezeri were pillaged to make very durable high quality armor. because of this there are no intact pieces or Fezeri remains left, and the few plates that have survived since, no matter how worn or outright broken, are either made into family heirlooms or sold at exhorbitant prices. Sahmad has a large number of them (almost all buried) as he made a habit of targetting and capturing anybody who wore them specifically
Tapyri are unique when it comes to cleaning since their protective mucus naturally catches dirt and other particles for easy removal, meaning they only need to scrub or peel it off. Gaquri, Koniri and Potori take water baths while Basari, Fezeri and Lebori take dust or sand baths
Agori children are addressed with the pronouns ti/tir until they choose their own. its highly unusual for someone to use ti/tir for tir whole life, and the set is often used as a playful jab when a person exhibits childish behavior
Pregnancy is a very taxing endeavour: the process takes around a year and a half, but the parent's body will additionally need two or three years to recover from the strain of the experience as a whole, during which it will be physically unable to produce the necessary material to make another child. sudden spikes in stress or a constant stream of it during pregnancy is almost sure to produce a stillborn, and its very easy for older individuals to simply not have the energy to make it through childbirth once the time comes. this used to not be a problem, since Agori are very long lived and the whole planet was full of them, but the Core War drastically reduced their numbers and the hazardous conditions produced by the Shattering all over the planet made for a very dangerous environment to attempt having a child in, so births became extremely rare in the 100 thousand years before Mata Nui's return. the so called "children of Bara Magna" (which include Gresh and Berix) are few and far between, commonly having significant age gaps from one to the other
A wide number of male MU beings is perceived as feminine or adjacent by Agori, partly due to sexual dimorphism not being A Thing for most species, partly due to voice and countenance: Tahu, for example, is considered to be very lady-like. in his specific case this perception might however be also affected by the fact that he was modeled after Ackar, who used to be much more overtly femme in his youth* (check tags)
this is what ive got so far. peace and love on spherus magna.
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skunkes · 7 months ago
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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arsenicflame · 4 months ago
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or: 11 songs about divorce & 1 song about having a glove kink (while your marriage is falling apart)
(lyric snippets & audios below the cut)
5 Years Into Marriage - Matt Owens & Hannah White
5 years into marriage And it's looking like we're almost done. I love you, I'm just not in love with you any more (no, no, no) Both floated down the aisle, Started taking each other for granted somewhere between- The pulpit and those church doors. Confetti kissed your face, And I trod it right into the floor. We can stick it out another ten years, and we probably will.
Barricade - Stars
I found you on a Saturday, and that was where I lost you You had to finally walk away because of what it cost you Years later on, I saw your face In line to catch the morning train You looked like you'd been softened Like you never really loved the pain
I Don't Want Love - The Antlers
If I leave before you, And I walk out alone, Keep your hands to yourself When you follow me home.
If You Love Me, You Will Lie - Out lines
And shouting through the bathroom door You said that I was keeping score Why can't we accept that there's no more We never say goodbye
It's Beginning To Get To Me - Snow Patrol
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I tried to tell you before I left But I was screamin' under my breath You are the only thing that makes sense Just ignore all this present tense
Midnight Love - Girl In Red
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I hope that the right time one day arrives So, I'll be willing to let this die Able to look you right in the eyes Say I'm not your consolation prize
Mothers - Daughter
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You will grow all you need to grow inside my spine And then take what you need to take, what's yours is mine And then just give all you want of it to some new thing I'll stay here, the provider of that constant sting they call love
Nothing New - Rio Romeo
So, won't you please spare me indignity? And won't you please give me some decency? And won't you please call it if our time is through? 'Cause I know that we fall apart when nothing's new
Sometimes I Still Feel the Bruise - The Mountain Goats
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Making contact gets harder As the silence grows longer Why would you think of me? When you were not the one in love When you were not the dreamer When you were just the dream I'm under no illusion As to what I meant to you But you made an impression And sometimes I still feel the bruise
Splinter - Scott Hutchison & James Graham
‘Cause I always took the cutting, And you only missed my heart Although it amounts to nothing, The nothing’s left it’s mark
The Modern Leper - Frightened Rabbit
Well, I crippled your heart a hundred times And still can't work out why You see, I've got this disease I can't shake and I'm just rattling through life Well, this is how we do things now Yeah, this is how the modern stay scared So I cut out all the good stuff Yeah, I cut off my foot to spite my leg
Wedding Gloves - Frightened Rabbit FT. Aiden Moffat
Do you even remember What we said in the vows? God was watching on Saturday But He is not with us now, with us now
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mellotronmkll · 3 months ago
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Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared
#i like siting down with a guitar and writing music but the daw is still so scary to me and i dont know how to make it less scary#its like i dont know where to start#i understand music theory i can write chord progressions i can write melodies but arranging feels so daunting#like just trying to pick keyboard voices and stuff im like overwhelmed and then its like i just dont even know where to start#i think i need to do more covers to practice arranging because trying to do it with my own songs im just like i have NO IDEA#i do think that trying to recreate arrangements of other songs I like will help me but also just idk#i really want to get better at writing at the piano but i find it really hard#rn i write almost all my songs on the guitar then i guess what i have to do is try to think of like what style i want it to have#and sort of try to create a map like probably literally on paper and then try to go in and sort of do it but god its so hard i dont know#it feels so so daunting#even trying to make silly little stuff with just like some synths is really hard for me right now its so out of my comfort zone and AUGH id#its frustrating im scared of the computer but i also very much do not want to be an acoustic singer songwriter but thats all i can do#because all i can do is play fucking guitar!!!! and its just so frustrating#technically im like with a midi controller i should be able to do whatever program drums write little synth lines etc i dont have to like#know how to play piano and yet whenever i try to do it i just get so overwhelmed and freaked out with how many possibilities there are#that i just . cannnnnt#AHGHHHHHHHHHHHH im so im in such a bad mood right ow#ive had such a horrible night honestly#i think i will just go engage in fixation for comfort and then go to bed sigh#i dont know what to do to improve at making music in the daw i guess ill just maybe try again this weekend to take another crack at it#god its just so frustrating that i only started writing songs 2 years ago and have only learned to use a daw in the last 3 months i WISH#that i was one of these teenagers who spent all my time writing silly songs and playing around with a midi controller but i just didnt#because i was scared!!!!!!!#playing the guitar and singing has always been like the only thing that felt safe cos i felt if i tried to actually write and arrange songs#by myself i would fail so now i just feel so frustrated because i dont feel like a real musician and i feel like im starting too late#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH whatever sorry for using the tags of this post as my diary but#i am frustrated!!!!
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maulfucker · 1 year ago
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Yeah yeah jedi Maul au we've all seen him. But what about senator Maul au. Representing Dathomir, a neutral world like Mandalore that is still somewhat hostile to outsiders. Wearing fancy clothes that show a bit too much skin for the cold climate of Coruscant. Falling in hate at first sight with Padmé, the only other senator who brings a gun to the senate floor "just in case". The two of them having a weird rivalry because Maul doesn't trust the Jedi and is neutral in a lot of subjects that Padmé is a vocal defender of.
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faaun · 10 months ago
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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mumpsetc · 8 months ago
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The Way Redemption Works in MLP Where the Redeemed Party Has to Be Ok With Ponies Referencing Their Wrong Doings Like They're Fresh and Recent Forever and Any Frustration or Pushback or Response That Isn't a Placcid "Yes I Was the Most Evil Pony Ever" is Treated as Backsliding Kinda Sucks, Esp With How Nonuniformly It Gets Enforced.
Why Does Discord Get to Become a Whacky Cast Member Despite Continuing to Be a Weasely Cunt But Luna, Starlight, Sunset and Even Trixie Have to Develop Self Policing Guilt Complexes That Ruin Their Confidence and Constantly Put Them on Edge to Have the Dignity of Not Constantly Getting Their Past Behavior Shoved in Their Faces
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volivolition · 9 months ago
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suggestion do you have... any wants? like obviously you do but like? suggestion my guy my ourple boy. both the easiest and hardest to write. you need a skill to say something to move conversation along but it doesn't fit any skill in particular? about 80% of the time you can have suggestion say it and it will make sense. but like actually characterizing him... how do i define you dude... what makes your character tick... urgh. i dont get you yet. im trying to understand but you are difficult.
#chemi chats#there are some skills that i just dont understand yet and that just means i have to work on their character study chapter#im reading his bio and i think suggestion is a good manipulator and it's instinctive and he tries not to feel bad about it?#he's clever!! charming!! friends with savvy and drama. planting seeds in the mind and coaxing them to grow towards him like he's the sun.#a crude oil reservoir lying beneath a carefully laid flower bed. taps into the roots. the plants don't know any better than to drink.#he's great at sensing what makes people tick and uses that to his advantage. he needs goals to look forward to so he knows how to best#pull the strings to get them there. otherwise he's a bit aimless. he likes being useful. and since influencing others is helpful#he just keeps doing it? because it's what he's good at. and he tries to convince himself its fun and cool and just cuz hes charming and#it's his role as a skill and manipulation isnt thaaaat bad because it's helpful to them after all... but he does feel bad sometimes.#oh im listening to his voice lines and i just got to ''brother you should have put me in front of a firing squad'' and im sad about him now#but what do you want for short term little guy?? probably for people to like him. he likes chatting with people. i bet he'd like genuine#conversations with no strings attached but there's always some part of him filing information and tidbits away that he can't turn off#subconsciously figuring out things he can hold over them or how he can nudge them into thinking someth-/wait.../ no. no he's just talking.#he's /supposed/ to just be talking stop analyzing them stop falling back into that just have a normal conversation!! but he can't help it..#hm. this is all really helpful for his chapter. he and empathy are very alike but also different. very interesting...#task: swept up#okay good talk everyone i think i understand him a little better now lmao?? still gotta figure him out some more hes not fully there but ye#also i think he goes by whatever pronoun you think he'd use. just ''oh what do /you/ think i am hm?? what /would/ i use; do you think?? :)'#funny fella. i love you.
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alchemiclee · 8 months ago
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people want to say the English dub for star rail is bad and refuse to use it when the VA for Sunday exists?! I have watched so many playthroughs now and i'm still so blown away by the small little details in the voice and the execution and how the specific enunciation of every syllable holds an incredible amount of weight behind it. you can FEEL the OCD/control-order obsession and trauma in every word he says, every syllable. this guy is so good. wow. the more I rewatch the more of it I hear and it just gets more insane. if you have the time, rewatch it and REALLY LISTEN to him.
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dairyfreenugget · 5 months ago
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Also, this blog turned from me talking about HK AUs to me rambling nonsensical shit about my ocs (I am having a blast)
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widevibratobitch · 7 months ago
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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